Arizona Coyotes

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I used to do these when I was on some EHM05 leagues. I’m qcccccccc and my English aint so good. I hope you enjoy.

New General Manager Deceasedgoblin just finished his first press conference since getting the job. He’s heading to his office where his assistant GM, Ced Heabs, is waiting for him. The draft had begun a few hours earlier and he doesn’t know who got selected yet


Goblin: Hey what’s up Ced, sorry for being late. The media had tons of questions, well media… I mean the one guy who doesn’t know anything about hockey who got assigned from the Arizona Post to cover our team. But anyway, which pick are we at now?


Ced «birdman» Heabs: 12th pick sir


Goblin: Good, good. We will have some time to think about it. This team really needs a franchise player, something the fans didn’t have for more than one decade. This fantasy draft is an opportunity to change this team culture. We must take the right guy. I was thinking about Nathan Mackinnon, I believe he can become something special. But, 15th overall is quite a reach though, what do you think?


Ced «birdman» Heabs: Hmmmmmm… He got drafted 3rd overall sir


Goblin: WTF, Who the fuck did that? Swagg you’re saying? And the fans now want him fired? That poor team sucked for the last 10 years and their gm is going for a rebuild once again, what a guy this swagg (<3 you). Well anyway, with Crosby, Malkin, Stamkos, Tavares and Toews all taken, I guess we will need to find somebody else.


Ced «birdman» Heabs: Hmmmmm sirrrrr… Malkin is still on the board.


Goblin: Good one birdman, but I’m not paying you to make me laugh. Seriously, who do you think we should take? Wait what, you’re saying the truth? And you seem sober, which is surprising. What in the blue hell is going on? I want you to contact our hackers department. I want them to make it impossible for the 3 GMS picking before us to make their selections in time. WE REALLY NEED MALKIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME CED HEABS? WE GOT CROSBY, STAMKOS AND TOEWS IN OUR GODDAM DIVISION!!!!!

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Arizona General Manager, THE Goblin, will be attending shortly a press conference. The draft has just end and the media would like to know how he feels about his new team.

Alright guys, thanks for coming. It's been a couple of tough days, so I will only answer to a couple of questions related to the draft. So, go ahead

What can the fans expect for next season?

Like I said last time, the most important thing was to provide to the fans some superstars to cheer about. Shane Doan is a great player don't get me wrong, but he's a B+ player (what up WWE fans). And when your best forward for the last 10 years is a B+, it's not too hard to understand why the attendance was so low. The draft gave us the opportunity to change it and I'm sure the fans are quite pleased about what we've done. Malkin is a top 3 player in the world, and we were lucky too get him in 15th. You add guys like Parise and Spezza to the equation, you know the offense should do good. In the past, this team focused on defense, now we're gonna live or die by the offense.

So are you saying we're gonna be a contender for the Cup for next season?

I believe we draft a good group of young veterans in their prime, so yes, to answer to your question, I expect to compete right away. We were able to acquire quite late a good goalie in Halak, who should do great in our system. We expect to allow more shots than in the past, but he thrives to it. We've got a young core on defense, but they are all guys we are confident that can contribute right away. On offense, we believe we have one of the best top 6 in the league and some good energy players to help them out. So overall, I would say missing the playoffs would be quite dissapointing. Keep in mind though, the West is a lot stronger than the East and some teams have more veterans than us. I'm not scared to say we ain't the favorite this season because of it, but with our roster, we will be a contender for a lot of seasons.

So would you say the defense was better last season before this draft?

In that kind of draft, you can't have it all. There's 30 good owners in the league. You have to make choices. After selecting Malkin, we knew we had to provide him some help up front. This organisation will miss Yandle and OEL a lot, but it's not like we replace them with garbage. We will be a more offensive mind team, that's all I'm gonna add.

So, have you yet decide who will be the captain and assistants next season?

Actually, yes. I've been talking with the head coach and we both kinda agree right away. The captain will be Zach Parise, his assistants will be Evgeni Malkin and Kimo Timonen. Zach Parise wore the C in the past, he also won the Cup, guy is a winner and a great leader. We gave a long thought about giving it to Malkin, but after talking to him on the phone, he prefers the A. He's still having some issues with the language and he prefers to avoid to have to answer to the media every night. Timonen is a veteran in the league, he will provide leadership to our young group of defensemen. We're really happy. Alright, last question

Are you looking to make any trades now?

Good question. I've been told there had been trades already. On our part, we will wait to give the guys the chance to play together. It will take some times for chemistry to get going, so we rather wait a couple weeks in the season before doing any moves. Alright gentlemen, see you in a few weeks.